0057. [ 20 for 2020 ]

While [ 2021 ] seems more apt, we’re half a month in and I still cant wrap my mind around the fact that it's here. A riot of white supremacists looting the Capitol shattered the hopeful feeling of a new year but reignited my desire to be here, writing and sharing words. It feels ever more necessary and urgent, because wtf year is this? How and why - in the 21st century! - are we still struggling to eradicate injustice and provide the basic tenets of our nation and humanity to all? 

“One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. A persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves. On the one hand, we proudly profess certain sublime and noble principles, but on the other hand, we sadly practice the very antithesis of these principles. How often are our lives characterized by a high blood pressure of creeds and an anemia of deeds!…We proclaim our devotion to democracy, but we sadly practice the very opposite of the democratic creed. We talk passionately about peace, and at the same time we assiduously prepare for war. We make our fervent pleas for the high road of justice, and then we tread unflinchingly the low road of injustice. This strange dichotomy, this agonizing gulf between the OUGHT and the IS, represents the tragic theme of man’s earthly pilgrimage.”

 ~Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (excerpt from the book “Strength to Love”)

~~~~~~~

 2020 - what a year, hmm? In many ways it feels like the year that never happened. On pause since the last time I made a calendar or actual plan (aka March). Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, it feels like I've lost something. In reality, it’s intangible - moments, my ability to focus and read, faith in humans.* When so many have lost so much, I wonder - why on earth am I fortunate enough to be able to say this? Thank you, universe.

How are you? A real post will come soon, a draft I've tweaked endlessly, unable to find the right words to convey that despite anxiety and horror, I’m okay. Taking it one day and week at a time, working away at building my new career path and evolving as a human. Possibly like many, I dreamt 2020 would be an amazing year with really fun dates and big steps.

In hindsight, we needed the wakeup call? A world pandemic to highlight racial inequalities and dire issues we need to address. So, 2020, thank you. For reminding me that nothing is guaranteed and 'normal(cy)' is an illusion. For putting the perils of humanity and indifference front and center where they cannot be ignored. It's been emotionally crushing but the passion it has reignited is powerful. I hold onto the shock, outrage, and fear - they fuel me when I acknowledge and embrace them, weigh me down when I don't. I pick up the pieces and put one foot after the next to continue to fight as best as I know how. With words, with actions, with my money and every breath I take. Because hate, injustice, and anti-Semitism need to become history. We can usher in this new year with vitality and the hope that as these disheartening truths are uncovered, we the people will continue to fight them with zeal.

To finally say goodbye, a collection of tasks half-done and just plain undone (aka an easy guide for my scattered brain. Because no matter how much I / things change, lists have always been an effective coping mechanism)...

[ 20 for 2020 ] 

1) recurring donations in honor of loved ones {so far: ACLU + conscious kid}
2) order new glasses
3) $ plan: investing + divesting 
4) learn to knit {almost done. yay}
5) write every day
6) update: website + ig 
7) weekly spanish homework for AB
8) launch shop! {a task forever carried over}
9) find bike tires
10) use sewing machine {thanks, ma}

11) reach out / collaborate / share
12) sibling project + weekly meetings
13) send snail mail
14) monthly editorial calendar
15) read old journals
16) commit to my restorative habits
17) make: calendar + planner 
18) digital clean up :0     
19) virtual volunteering
20) build something

Nutshell: grow

What's on your list? Feliz año nuevo! Wishing us all a hopeful 2021.

*Not all of us, just many. One of my favorite ways to battle this involves reloading gofundme pages to see the amount grow - random people donating to help strangers in need. The numbers rise and god is it ever more wonderful than checking COVID stats. A couple on my list: J + rent relief

PS. Alberta King

PPS. Pulling from these old words too: 2020 + 2019

PPPS. Thanks for being here and please say hello! Where in the world are you faring this storm?