0053. A WEDDING

Much like the holidays, a wedding seems like a sustainable dreamer and introvert's personal _____. ( I can't think of a less dramatic word than nightmare and that's not right.)

Truthfully, it has been another aspect of my overwhelm. Thankfully, a few signs and ideas came to me!

If it was up to just us, we would gather a really awesome winter cape, an officiant and our immediate relatives upstate for a magical palindrome wedding on 02.02.2020.

In reality that is barely a month away and my dad and brother are both in Ecuador, where asking them to fly up is doable but absolutely not necessary.

What's a dreamer to do? Logically, give up on a winter wedding. Realistically, elope? Stubbornly, think of other palindrome dates? (12.02.2021 is not universal and a Thursday!)

I don't have answers yet... which is why I feel anxious when people ask me about the wedding. (Oh hey, Thanksgiving.)

Last week, as I continued to tackle a crazy storage (aka bedroom) scenario, I found a bundle of old photos I've been meaning to clean up. Amongst them, my beautiful mother as a young bride in my grandparents' home in Cuenca. A few years ago when my grandma was perishing from cancer my mom bought the house to keep it in the family and I am so grateful. Being in one of my OG homes is so rare and I feel their presence in this abode that has housed so many of us, the hard work and all of the love and memories.

I saw her beautiful, radiant face and I felt overjoyed to the point of tears. I saw the bookshelf that is still there, laden with gifts and a serious pang to recreate this photo grew (trade items with old photos). That has always been the original dream anyway - a wedding at my grandparents' hacienda where I spent some of the most wonderful days of my childhood. But, that would require even more people flying down there and while I want them to see my beautiful homeland, it is realistically not possible for some of AB's family.

I texted my siblings the picture and learned that the dress was borrowed. Even if it was around, my mom would shake her head at the thought of me wearing it and my sister would brazenly inform me that I 'need a modern version' - I laughed because these are expected reactions. Despite some overlap, we've always had very different styles and they've never understood my own.

This shared joy and wonderfully timed sign inspired some direction regarding our wedding. I will focus on and incorporate what I love most: old photos, family trees and history, nature, sustainability, upcycling, lists, music. I will embrace the opportunity of gathering our families and long unseen relatives because our mothers would like us to and what a visceral way to feel the legacy of the families we come from... people who knew our grandparents and miss them as much as we do.

I will approach it with joy, curiosity and potential rather than dread, and I will do it in a way that resembles us and our love. I will focus and do things I was blatantly avoiding. I will be tolerant and kind regarding mothers' requests and wishes, but I will not feel obligated to do something if I really don't want to.

I will be flexible and patient, because despite an excitement at the thought of gathering the people we love, at this point we both just want to be married already... we've waited long enough.

What's your dream wedding/what was your wedding like? I would love to know! Any suggestions, tips, ideas, regrets?? All thoughts are very much welcome :)

PS. I really wish that pot set (left corner) was still around because it would perfectly match my beloved mug!